Monday, November 1, 2010

I use to dread the end of each week. Every Wednesday was like the day Shreya got sick. Every Friday pure torture. Somehow the time frame has changed. Now I dread the end/beginning of each month. I can't believe that she would be four months old today. I keep thinking about how it "should" be. I should be on maternity leave, home with Shreya. Watching her grow, laugh, cry. I should have her here in my arms, cuddling. I would give anything to hold her, kiss her little feet, tell her again how much I love her. We should be a whole family, adjusting to a new and wonderful life together. Instead we are a broken family, just trying to hold it together. Her crib should be here next to my bed, not a tv. The reason I can't sleep tonight should be her crying. Instead the only one up at night crying is me. I should be thinking about all the amazing things we are going to do together, not all the things my little girl will never have the chance to do.

I love you Shreya. Thank you for the clouds and butterflies.